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How to spot a control freak

Monday, February 2, 2015

She: But he’s a nice guy. 

Me: So what? Lots of those around. He could be an axe murderer with bodies buried in the back yard for all you know. 

She: Stop being so cynical. 

Me: Stop being so naïve. 

She: He’s a hottie, too. 

Me: So was Ted Bundy.

She: I think he could be The One, Elsa.

Me: There is no such thing as The One! Where do women get the idea that there is one sweet love out there waiting to sweep them off their feet? He’s just a cute guy who knows how to put on a good show. 

She: That’s so unfair. 

Me: So is giving up your life to please another person. All I hear coming out of your mouth these days is what he likes and what he says. He’s always correcting you—you talk too loud, your skirt is too short, you have too many friends, you like to party too much, your hair is too wild. And he dared to criticise the shoes, which is a felony punishable by kicking to the kerb. Who is this man? The commandant in your mental concentration camp? 

She: You’re exaggerating. He is very kind and attentive. He is always there…

Me: Yeah, like a rash. 

She: Gosh, you really don’t like him.

Me: He’s a wife-beater waiting to happen.

She: Oh, stop. He is not! He would never raise a finger to me.

Me: He doesn’t have to. He already has you mortgaging your brain for the promise of happily ever after. That’s how it starts. He absorbs all your time, he can’t bear to be away from you, he makes you feel he alone loves you—until you don’t have a single thought in your head that he didn’t put there. What you call “kind’’ and “attentive’’ is really a control freak trying to suck the life out of you. 

She: He’s protective—is that so wrong? Better than some of those losers out there with their 10k bling.

Me: Stop making excuses for him. When your friends tell you that you have changed too much since meeting a fella, that should send off alarms in your head. Friends tend to see the warning signs first. He practically has you on a curfew because he sulks like a toddler if you stay out late. He is an emotional blackmailer. He makes you feel bad for having a good a time without him. He doesn’t like your friends. When he isolates you from everyone, that’s when he has won. 

She: Wel-l-l-ll, he could be a teeny-bit judgmental sometimes. And maybe a little hung up on details. 

Me: Girl, he was practically arranging the food on your plate for you at dinner the other night. And don’t pretend you weren’t wigged out when he almost had a stroke because the waiter spilt some water on the table. What he is doing is as bad as a blow to the head. Psychological abuse is just physical abuse with some CXC passes. 

She: He was a little stressed that day. 

Me: Get out now before he becomes a bad habit that breaks you. A control freak is just a stab in the back away from a confirmed monster. 

She: You’re really beginning to scare me now.

Me: That’s a start. Fear can be a powerful antidote for stupid. 

• Tell me your red flag he’s-not-the-one stories at [email protected]


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